i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
