You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize