But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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