Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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