Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
