I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
