i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
