he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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