Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she looked like the before picture.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
