Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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