i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
