she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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