just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
