Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
