Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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