then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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