Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
