she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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