I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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