I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
