your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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