she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize