I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
