The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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