found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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