Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
