just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize