happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
