Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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