Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My vagina is very pro this idea
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
