he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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