Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
