I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize