yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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