Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
