i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
