this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Enjoy the penises
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
