1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize