My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
