Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
