so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
