Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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