Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
