You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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