WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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