I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize