She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
