It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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