Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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