Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
