my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
