He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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