I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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