Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
