Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
