soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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