I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
